Winter Wanes

For those of us on the east coast, the weather has been incredible!  February never has days like this, temperatures in the 60's and the sun was shining bright multiple days in a row.  These temperatures allow me to be at my highest comfort level.  I can remain covered by clothing but not wear a coat.  I can have fun outside without sweating.  Everyone seemed to be enjoying the outdoors; hiking trails were being pounded by boots, biking trails had evidence of tire treads, and climbing routes had fresh chalk marks.  Our family jumped on the bandwagon in the pursuit of fresh air and vitamin D, mostly hiking, but also just congregating together with friends letting the kids run free.

Being cooped up in the house is one thing about winter I do not like.  Going out is no problem when you don't have kids in tow, but after the littles invade life, you can count on about an hour of prep before exiting the house and by that point someone has to pee and you must painstakingly peel off the freshly added layers of clothing.  My kids are usually underdressed because comfort is not high on my priority list (yes I am the mom that never has hats for my kids).  This warm weather is considered to be a gift from God in my mind.  It was not a great weekend for me and I like to think that this February "heatwave" was especially gifted to me by my Father to give a little reprieve and a lot more breathing room.  

Happy Birthday (29 and feeling fine)

It was about a year ago when I first began to share my inner thoughts with the inter web.  And while I don't feel that birthdays are really that significant anymore I was secretly so in tune with my aging self.  Excitement was kept hidden from those around me, I brushed off the birthday wishes and rolled my eyes at all the Facebook notifications.  I didn't really desire to celebrate with anyone but I did want to relish in what God has done in the last year.  As I looked back at life, at what this last year has been for me the word heavy comes to mind .  It was a year of pain, self discovery, self awareness, brokenness revealed... but most of all, it was God's year.  This last year was the first year that cravings for my Father took on a life of their own and my mind was engulfed with truths that were just beginning to be unlocked.  I am amazed at the journey he has brought to me and led me through.  He still leads me as I fumble and stumble along the (very) narrow path.  He showed me how to love, to begin understanding what loving well means.  He showed me just how huge He is, how he cannot be contained by our inability to understand.  He taught me how to press in to His word, how to come to Him first with my hurt.  He healed wounds that I didn't want to acknowledge.  He broke chains that have been wrapped around my limbs, that have weighed me down.  He took me places in dreams I never expected.  He showed me who I am.  At first, I was embarrassed I didn't know these truths sooner, but this is all in God's timing.  The truths in His word have been the same, but I am finally able to know it, the words have sunken into me written in blood on my soul and they have become who I am.  Our God is amazing.  One year has felt like a lifetime of learning.  I am not the same as I was a year ago and it is only because of Him.  That is how people change, He is the way people change.  And what is even more beautiful, He has more for me, my journey is not yet over!

Here's to another great year of God's growth!  

Confusion brings silence

It's been a while since I have written, and although I cannot exactly pinpoint why, I do have this growing sense that I am approaching a new season, a bigger and bolder season but there is a mini-season I must wade through first.  

My brain is completely full and at the same time completely void of any thought.  It might be overwhelmed and  maybe has gone into self destruct mode, or maybe the avoider in me is making his presence known.  There is much time of thought and reflection but there have not been any revelations or epiphanies.  Just more questions arise and they remain unanswered.  A time of waiting maybe?  Or maybe God is forcing me into a time of refocusing?  It is a new season for sure, one that has not yet been experienced or explored and confusion runs amok.

So I wait.  I seek.  And I wait some more.