God in the Box

I think it was a little over two weeks ago that I met with two women.  I was immersed in love and the smell of coffee as we sat.  We were women empowered by God and empowering one another.  Through them, God has revealed much, but on this particular day the best gem I took from our time was about prayer.

For far too long I have had this idea that prayer was a somber time.  There was this checklist; bow my head, close my eyes, fold my hands and remove all distraction.  You should pray for good things, pray for others, pray for yourself, tell God how great he is.  I needed to respect God, I had this idea that if I would anger him, he wouldn't listen to my requests.  My prayers always felt so dead.  This has gone on for years! How am I even still buying into this "prayer life" thing??  No wonder I was always so anxious about praying in front of others.  

As we were meeting one of the women said something (and I am sorry but I don't remember what is was) and all of a sudden...a light bulb came on so bright that it burst and literally blew my mind.  A new concept of prayer.  Stop putting God in a box!  He is too huge and mighty to be stuffed into a box that's size is limited by our own hang up's.  He is limitless.  Pray for the impossible! Pray for miracles!  Pray for yourself to be open to anything and all things that God wants to give you, because you are his child and he loves you and he wants to show you how much he loves you.  Whether it is with blessings or showing you how powerful he actually is, he desires you to know him, to know his love and his heart!  He wants you to spend time with him, above all else.  

Pray with fire, pray with passion, pray as you!  God values an authentic heart.  God did not make me a quiet somber woman.  He made me feisty and fiery.  He can handle anything you throw at him, because he is patient.  He can handle your pain and your burdens because he is kind, and gentle, and faithful, and peaceful, and HE IS GOOD!  I always had a hard time with the praise portion of prayer, but God works when we come to him as ourselves, He shows us how great he is and we become overwhelmed by this greatness.  Praising comes naturally when the good hits you so hard in the heart.
Since this revelation I have had a prayer life that is so alive and thriving, supernatural things are occurring and I am realizing how absolutely breathtaking my God is.  Even in the midst of seeming like my life is in a deep dark hole, he is the light and it surrounds me.  I am craving more of him because he is filling me up, ridding me of voids that I tried to force people to fill.  He is everything I am not, and yet he loves me like the perfect Father that He is, unconditionally.  If this is what he can do with two weeks I can only imagine what is to come.  I have come to love him and believe him when he says that he is in control.  Let's be honest, my life is a mess right now, especially to those who do not truly know God, but through His grace I am filled with his peace.  

1 Peter 4:13 But rejoice insofar as you share Christs sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

Can I have all your EYES and EARS!!

Amazing things are happening, I cannot wait to share them but my brain and heart is far too overloaded right now.  God is working and he is good.  In time, I will share what my heavenly father is doing in my life. I am asking him for clarity and wisdom to write words that he has given me and are not my own.  I believe this blog can be used as a light for Him and I am waiting for him to inspire me and to create order in my brain to do just that.  Even as I write this small senseless post I feel my heart leaping with joy because of who He is.  I pray that he continues (and I know he will), I pray that others may see (I know he will remove blindfolds), I pray for a revival (I trust this is coming).  

Finding Comfort in my Father on Mother's day

Psalm 46:10

(Breathe in)

"Be Still

(Breathe out)

And know that I am God"

As I breathe in and the air passes by my lips, I take in the words.  They roll over my tongue and it's calming.  Soothing even.  I hold it there on my tongue so I can allow God to surge through the rest of my body, shooting all the way to not just my brain, but my heart's brain.  It is at this point that I am truly still.  I can compare it to jumping on a trampoline.  Jumping all the way as high as you can possibly go and right before the descent, for a second that's almost in slow motion, you float there before falling back down to earth. I can hear what else God has to say.  I begin to release the air I've been holding.  Carbon Dioxide is expelled as His words "And know that I am God" pass through me from the inside out this time. And its like I know it because it was knowledge that was inside first and permeated me from all parts of my insides.  The more I repeat this process, the more real the truth is, it is my reality right now.

It's late, or extremely early, depending on your sleep schedule.  For those of us who tend toward insomnia, it is late.  I am sitting in a 24/7 cafe, thank you Giant for catering to the night owls of PA.  There is a lot of limbo in my life right now, uncertainty of what the future holds, all things that attack the woman's need for security.  The worst part is, it isn't my choosing.  I am forced to sit back and wait.  I hate waiting.  I have felt attacked and alone, and most of all hurt.

Tonight my proverbial hammer hit my "break glass in case of emergency" box.  The glass had only recently been reinstalled.  The walls shoot up around my heart.  Shrill sirens ring and alarms sound out, I can't see clearly with the flashing red warning lights blaring in my eyes.  The defenses continue to rise up, barbed wire uncoils and whips into place.  There is a voice that echos on the intercom, a command to "man your battle stations!"

It's too late.  Damage done...again.

I wish there was resolve in my life, but there isn't, and I don't know when that will be but it is not my job to worry about it.  I continue to wrestle with so many things in my relationship with God.  For tonight at least I feel full, content, and comforted by Him.

"When you're on your knees and answers seem so far away you're not alone, stop holding on and JUST BE HELD! ......Your world's not falling apart, It's falling into place."  -Casting Crowns 

(Breathe in) 

"Be still

(Breathe out)

And know that I am God"