Thoughts swirl about in my head, and while I wish it was in a gentle autumn breeze sort of way it is more of a hurricane type fashion.  My voice has been quiet in the world of written word, and there is an eerie stillness on my blog that has even me wondering if I am okay.  I have my reasons but mostly it is due to insecurity that has crept back into myself and mourning the depressing lack of growth these past few months.  I am both perpetrator and victim as I rob myself of joy and pile on the lies that instill fear and doubt.  I have drained my resources and I am void of energy and at times the presence of life.  Depleted.  I checked the tank, I was filled and foolishly procrastinated thinking the work I had done would "get me through."

The faith driven life has been stifled and codependency stalks me in the shadows of low self esteem, my identity is blurred and I am struggling to stay in the warmth of the light.  "Failure" rings and haunts me at night, another sun sets and another chance to spend intimate time with God is gone.  It disappears with the last light.  I hang my head in shame and forget He still loves.  I crave those times that I would bask in the glory of His kingdom, the fog has rolled in and I stop looking, I stop seeing.  It's another lie, the fog is only a smoke and mirror attempt by the enemy to make me feel isolated in my pain.  God never left and the fog never rolled in.      

You are not alone.  You are enveloped in His love and can never break free or escape.  He wants to be in a deep and vulnerable relationship with you.  Begin again.  Begin where you slipped off the path.  Go now.  


PS am I the only one who is this all over the place??