R&R

I sit in the quiet of my mind.

I love being a my parent's house.  I am here now and was enjoying being outside on their deck.  The morning was cool and the sun was playing peek-a-boo with the clouds.  Shadows danced on the wooden deck constantly moving and it reminded me of how quickly my emotions are changing from one extreme to the other to yet another.  Look up and you can see the cloud coming to cover the sun, you see the effect of it...there is less light there is a shadow that attacks the ground with a darker cover.  I can feel a darkness coming in my mind, that I am going to think about something painful and it brings about a range of different feelings.  Mourning, betrayal, sadness, anger, even peace all experienced in a matter of minutes, then the sun shines again and there is light and warmth and I sigh with relief that the shadow storm is over, even if only for a minute.  It is exhausting, but in my moments of serenity I can enjoy what God is giving me right now.  Right now I get to enjoy this beautiful piece of property that is away from people.  Life in the bubble.  It's my safe place.  I am reminded of how blessed I was growing up to have a place so secure.  It's a clearing in the woods, on a hill.  Lay down in the grass anywhere and you can see a fortress of trees looking down on you, offering protection.  Short trails in the woods offered my young self a start to being in love with the outdoors, exploration, and adventure.  There is evidence of history, stone walls that used to separate fields, burnt hollowed out trees from a fire caused by a train that no longer runs.  This was my world growing up.  My imagination ran free here.  The landscape has changed a bit from when I lived here, but it still holds the same aura.  It is here that I can process and not be cluttered with outside noise.  It is here that I have had numerous God given "AHA" moments.  Believe it or not I have done more growing up and maturing here in the last 2 years than I ever did when I actually lived here.  I have grown to understand things about my parents, especially my mom, and I have grown to really enjoy my siblings.  I have come to truly appreciate them for all they have done and all they continue to do.