The recovering codependent in me (Part I)

Counseling has introduced me to the word codependent.  I heard it for the first time about a year and a half ago and brushed it off due to denial, ignorance, an immaturity, and even the codependency itself.  In early June is really when I began the journey to understand, accept, and start the recovery process.  It has not been easy, it has been extremely painful and has left me without any vices to latch onto in an attempt to ease (or control) this pain.  But through this, I have found a father in my Father, I have found a friend in Jesus and I have found the freedom to choose love as opposed to being enslaved to it.

The book "Love is a Choice" has been an incredible resource for me, although the internet offers much information, I still prefer a good book to become more educated on any given topic.  I soaked up the first half of the book like a sponge, mostly due to the fact that it went through just about every possible scenario that would be considered a recipe for the making of a codependent person.  The second half has taken months to get through, because it has involved explaining the work to be done.

Anyone can be considered codependent, and actually most of us are to a degree.  The question is; To what degree am I codependent?  Love is a Choice defines it this way:

"In its broadest sense, codependency can be defined as an addiction to people, behaviors, or things.  Codependency is the fallacy of trying to control interior feelings by controlling people, things, and events on the outside.  To the codependent, control or the lack of it is central to every aspect of life.  The codependent may be addicted to another person. In this interpersonal codependency, the codependent has become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self-- personal identity-- is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person's identity and problems."

So from one recovering codependent to the world:

How I knew codependency was my issue:

• I was unable to separate other's emotions from my own
• There was an undeniable lack of boundaries (physical, emotional, spiritual)
• I was dependent on another person to complete me
• My family of origin had emotional trauma 
• A lack of control in life; and yet trying to hang on to control
• Feeling enslaved to my relationships
• Acting out of fear

This is a compilation of the loudest traits in my life that point to codependency.  I think it necessary to also say that I rated myself on the severe side.  There has been a lot of work that has been done the last few months by me, my counselor, family and friends and most importantly God, that has brought me to a place that understands what healthy is and strives for it.  There is still a long road ahead of  me, much like alcoholics, severe codependents are never completely rid of the issue and maintenance is key to continue with recovery.