Give me a Shot of that Hard Stuff, but make it on the Rocks.

When I was young...heck even now, I had a very specific way I would clean my room.  It was never a simple process of playing pick up, it was long and drawn out and required me to tear everything out of everywhere and reorganize every inch of my room.  This process of cleaning took way longer than my older sister and I was usually stuck cleaning my side of the room for a few days, at least.

Hello adult life, not much has changed.  When speaking about cleaning up the messes in our lives my approach seems very similar.  I must deal with it all.  In this season of life, this very trying and challenging season of life, my painful past life experiences have come up as well.  Some may argue they are related in some right, others would see them as separate issues.  I just see them as the hard stuff piled on top of more hard stuff.  A layered cake of rocks.

The other night I wrote out a portion of my journey that I had buried deep inside myself.  I never ever planned on releasing this part of me.  I felt I had come to terms with it, forgiven, and moved on.  I was golden.  That is until I started writing it.  I wrote specifics never shared with anyone.  The details, which entailed all the senses, came flooding back.  Tearfully, I finished writing.  It wouldn't end there.  After I closed my journal I realized that there were key moments throughout my childhood that pointed back to this moment.  I realized things in my own marriage were marred and damaged because of my 5 year old brain.  It has opened me up to more understanding, but that understanding is not without great pain as I  put pieces of myself back  allow God to work to put me back together.

HE brings our messes into the light and it is only through Him that these messes can be cleaned and organized.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:3

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28