Fear cannot exist with Faith
Three times a week I am required to let my baby girl go with people who are now strangers to me. The one's who once claimed to love me and promised that no matter what happened, they would always be there. Three times a week I drive to the high school and watch her drive away in a vehicle and I am not sure where that vehicle is really headed and who that vehicle is driving toward. And I am filled with fear.
This child who grew inside me, this child who was delivered by my body, this child who has left my body more worn than she found it, this child who is still nourished by the miracles of my own body, this child who sleeps on me every night and very rarely strays too far from me. This child is a wonderful gift. This child is a beautiful baby girl. This baby girl is proof my marriage once had passion, that there was love enough to create life...
This baby girl is a reminder that God sees me as precious just like I see her as precious. I want to always protect her. I want to protect her from my own mistakes, my own heartache, and those who I don't trust. But it is out of my hands. I am weak and I am a struggling with the unknown, left, without my baby girl safe in my arms. She is so small and vulnerable... the silent scars could be so close and I wouldn't even know. Will she be valued? Will she be protected? Will right be right and wrong be wrong? Will she be loved with a pure love?
I will never know the answers. I can only choose to have faith. Faith that God will protect better than I ever could. Faith that God loves her more than I ever will.
"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." Psalm 56
So many memories brought back for me reading this post, Whitney. And not good one's either. As mamma's we love our children more than the air we breath. I remember the first times my children had to leave me. Someone physically ripping my heart out would have felt better than the pain I felt. But through those times of pain, that's when my relationship with the Lord grew. From that broken place was born a true faith and hope in the Lord. Through that pain I learned the Lord is the ONLY one and the only thing that can NEVER be taken away from me in this life. No one can take Him and His promises from me! No one can take away my eternity with Him. I promise you He loves you. And I promise you He loves your children more than you can imagine. He is such a great Father! What the Lord ultimately taught me down this road is that my children are not mine, they are His. He wants me to trust Him. He wants you to trust Him. Oh, but how hard that can be! Eight years out I can tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel....and it's not a freight train. :) It's Jesus, Whitney! Keep seeking Him. Keep walking toward Him. He will strengthen you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone but I am glad others have walked this road before me and that they are able to point me in the right direction now as I start going through it... lol so 8 years from now? hmm looking forward to the year 2024!
DeleteMaybe I shouldn't have given you the eight year part. Lol. If it helps, things have been good for a few years now. So it's not really been 8 years. :)
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